So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
