you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
