god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
