i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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