So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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