It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you never un-have a 4some
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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