Sry I called you an 8
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
