dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
