btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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