your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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