I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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