I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
