I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
