Don't make out with my wife yet
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
