New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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