I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
