I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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