you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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