I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
