Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
