if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
