That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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