Someone shit on the floor
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
