Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
