My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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