The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
be right there i have to get my cape
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Come on in and take your pants off
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