and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
