In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did i just pee glitter
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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