I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
