I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
