The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
