so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
