there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
