I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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