are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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