My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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