so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You smell like a Billy Joel song
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
