I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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