you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
