Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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