there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
