come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
