Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
