it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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