It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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