I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
People in love make me want to vomit
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
