just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
