You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
