You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
