CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
