so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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