If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
